


Hiding in Your Hands

by PastelPinkProse



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alana writes poetry, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Based on the deleted song, F/F, My First AO3 Post, She plays ukelele, Zoey is a Youtuber
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-19 16:46:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18138332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPinkProse/pseuds/PastelPinkProse
Summary: Alana escapes into the forest to write. Zoe just needs to escape. Both find out they were wrong about one another.





	Hiding in Your Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I think these two have a ship-name, but I'm not sure. Galaxy Gals, I think? This is my first AO3 post, so enjoy! Canon is a lie.  
> Warnings:  
> Implied Family Conflict  
> Crying

Alana looked around the forest for somewhere to sit down. She found one of the largest trees, and put down a thick blanket to sit on. Alana felt a little too warm, so she unzipped her jacket. She wore a chunky, knit sweater underneath. She sat down, leaning against the trunk of the tree. Sunlight filtered through the branches. It made blotched patterns on the pages of her notebooks as she spread them out on the blanket. Alana noticed one outlier among the notebooks and shoved it back into her bag; her schedule, the thing she was trying to get away from. This week had been especially busy. She had had Student Council, Science Club, Art Club... too many meetings. Other activities had events during the school day, so she missed class. She enjoyed them, but it did contribute to her stress. Whether she would admit that or not was another story.

  
Determined to have a relaxing afternoon, she picked up a notebook with a geometric pattern on the cover. She twirled a freshly-sharpened pencil methodically in her fingers. Her free hand flipped through the paper. She found where the unused pages started. The notebook sat comfortably in her lap as she began to write. A large leaf fell from the tree she was sitting under. She picked it off her blanket. Then, she sandwiched it under the pages of a heavier notebook. Alana felt content to stay here, writing her poetry without outlines or structure. A small bird hopped near her. It seemed hesitant to come closer. Alana smiled as it decided to move forward. She could've reached out to pet it, but she didn't try in fear of it flying away. If only for a moment, everything seemed as if it was where it needed to be.

  
Running footsteps broke through the quiet hum of the forest. Alana heard somebody breathing heavily on the other side of the tree. They seemed to be crying. The bird flew away. Alana considered escaping too. The forest's new visitor probably wouldn't appreciate having company. As Alana moved to put away her things, she heard someone tuning a ukulele. Okay, they probably wouldn't mind Alana being here after all. Perhaps she guessed incorrectly when she thought they were crying. Alana would go over to introduce herself, but the musician seemed busy. After they finished playing, maybe she could reveal herself. Alana didn't want to interrupt or be where she shouldn't, but the other person would surely notice if she moved all her stuff to another spot. They'd have to interact anyway. Besides, they had this entire tree between them.

  
As she tuned her instrument, Zoe blinked away the remaining tears from her eyes. This morning was rough. Her parents were fighting with her brother again. Screaming at him wouldn't give them the results they wanted. Regardless, that's all they seemed to do anymore. What an effective parenting style. As soon as she could, Zoe escaped from the house. She grabbed her ukulele and notebook of lyrics. Despite her mother's insistence that everything was fine, Zoe told her where she was going and darted out the door. She didn't feel fine. Her family was falling apart. They didn't treat one another like family members. They were more like roommates who were obligated to live together. They were prisoners confined to the same cell. Her dad was distant. Her mother was in denial. Zoe just wanted her family to be the happy people they pretended to be.

  
The most recent song she wrote was about some of her struggles. She was pretty well-known for her original songs on Youtube. Most of them weren't this personal. Zoe was going to practice this one until she was ready to record it. She opened her notebook. A title was at the top of the page, Hiding in Your Hands. Zoe ran through some different strumming patterns. She found one she thought fit. She hummed along with it, glancing down at her notes as she went. Then, she sang.

  
Alana looked up from her writing in shock. Was that... Zoey Murphy? As in the girl she'd been acutely aware of being out of her league since eighth grade? Alana had the sudden, intense desire to be invisible. This had potential to be extremely awkward. Zoe was playing her music very well. It wasn't a song Alana had heard before. She wondered if Zoe wrote that song to perform for her channel. Ever since Zoe started it in the beginning of freshman year, Alana noticed them growing farther apart due to Zoe's new popularity. Before that, they were friends. Now, she seemed to be what to Zoe? An acquaintance?

  
Zoe's voice mixed with the sounds of the forest. Squirrels ran up the trees. A light breeze ruffled Zoe's hair.

  
_"When it's just you and some song that you don't know how to play, fake your way through, strum along. Be cool and you're okay. So your fingers get tangled in a pile._  
_Your rhythm is a mess, but nobody sees 'cause you smile, and the world will never guess. Can’t let them know 'cause no one understands. Your face can show what you're hiding in your hands."_

  
Alana's jaw dropped. The song sounded so happy, but the lyrics definitely weren't. The contrast was startling.

  
_"Daughter and son, man and wife fill the photos on these walls. Look at the fun, perfect life of plastic dress-up dolls. Happy house on a quaint suburban street, the sun hangs in the sky, everything framed nice and neat in a lovely little lie. Can't let them know 'cause no one understands.Your face can show what you're hiding in your hands."_

  
Alana marveled at the emotion behind those lyrics. Zoe began singing a series of "La-Da-Da's". Alana heard Zoe had some struggles at home, but she didn't imagine anything like this. People only seemed to discuss Zoe's brother, Connor. No one really checked in on Zoe. Alana resisted the urge to comfort Zoe. She really sounded like she needed to talk about some things.

  
_"Look at her, a total train wreck. Let her off this ride. Lift her out from all the pain. She tells herself she needs to hide. When it's just you and that song, it's impossible to play. Fake your way through, strum along, and everything’s okay. Can’t let them know 'cause no one understands.Your face can show what you're hiding in your hands."_

  
The song was over. What was Alana supposed to do? She teared up listening to Zoe. She didn't know Zoe felt like that. Alana prided herself on having a ~~friendship~~ relationship with each of her classmates. How had she not noticed Zoe's suffering? Before her courage went away, Alana acted on her impulse. She walked around the tree.

  
"Hi," Alana said.

  
Zoe pulled her head up. She hadn't noticed Alana before. She wondered how long she had been there. "Hey."

  
"You," Alana stuttered a little, trying to hide that her eyes were glazed over. "You sounded really nice."

  
"You heard me?"

  
"I'm sorry-"

  
"Don't be. I just..." Zoe didn't notice fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "Can I talk to you?"

  
Alana looked into Zoe's eyes. She sat down next to her. "Of course." Alana's tone was gentle and assuring.

  
"My parents have been fighting. I needed to get out of the house." Zoe knew Alana had a reputation for listening well. Zoe paused, then continued speaking. "I'm worried about my brother, too."

  
Alana nodded. "If you'd like, we can schedule a meeting with the school counselor for you, your brother, or both of you."

  
"Separately?"

  
"If that's what you'd like."

  
"Yeah. Let's do that."

  
Alana noticed Zoe was only wearing a thin, short-sleeve shirt, jeans, and Converse shoes with stars scribbled on the soles. Zoe was shivering. Alana removed her khaki jacket. She offered it to Zoe. She gave Alana a confused look.

  
"It's cold out," Alana stated.

  
Zoe slipped on the jacket. "Thank you."  
  
"No problem."

  
Zoe looked at Alana. She blinked hard, like she was realizing something. "Alana?"

  
"Yes?"

  
"I'm sorry."

  
"Don't be sorry. Everyone needs to ask for help sometimes. It's brave; a good skill."

  
"That's not what I meant. We were really close, and I ruined that."

  
"Oh, Zoe-"

  
"It's true. I was so scared of how I felt about you."

  
Alana felt her cheeks grow warm. It wasn't the fall wind that was causing them to be tinted with red.

  
"What do you mean?"

  
"You were so open about being out. You weren't going to censor your love for women for anyone. As someone who's still trying to come to terms with my own sexuality, that intimidated me."

  
Alana tried to distract herself; to not overthink. The toad she just saw near a tree stump looked pretty cool. In other news, Alana really liked the light blue sweater she was wearing. It was very oversized and comfy, perfect for pulling on when she needed to calm herself down. Zoe's purple top under Alana's jacket was a pleasant color combination. Oh right, she should probably let Zoe know she was listening.

  
"Oh."

  
"I pushed you away. I was so scared of people knowing I was bi, I wouldn't admit I had a crush on you."

  
Alana couldn't even squeak out an "oh". Her shock must've been noticeable. Zoe formed a slight smile.

  
"What? You knew that, didn't you?"

  
Alana shook her head.

  
"I just thought you replaced me with activities. Since we stopped being close, you joined so many clubs and teams."

  
Alana sighed. "I feel like that's the only way I can connect with people anymore."

  
"Everyone likes you, Alana! You're class president!"

  
"That's different. I'm not popular like you are."

  
"Like you said, you connect with people. Do you think everyone who wants my attention is my friend, or really wants to know me? It's superficial. You wouldn't want that."

  
"I didn't know."

  
"Neither did I."

  
They looked in each other's eyes. Alana walked over to the other side of the tree. She ripped a piece of paper out of one of her notebooks. She wrote her number at the top, above a poem she'd written. She took a pressed flower out of another notebook and folded it into her piece of paper. She walked back to Zoe. "In case you ever need to talk," Alana said. Then, she gave Zoe what she was hiding in her hands.


End file.
